Week Seven-The Unmasking Of Pain

This is the week I stopped taking morphine. I had no idea how much my pain was being masked by the medication. As a result, I feel stripped down to the core: spiritually, emotionally, psychologically and physically. I can now feel every broken bone. I feel the rigidity and density in my left side compared to the right. Despite more tears this week, I do sense somewhere deep inside the rightness in the journey. That sense is my life line as I lose all of my identities. I can't be an athlete right now and expect to move through my discomfort. Since I did over do it with my walking; I am now dealing with a calf strain. I can't over work the way I did mid-week to get on top of my medical bills because my pain increases. I am being forced to be with myself in an entirely new way.
When I get out of bed, after a difficult night's sleep I come face to face with there is no way out of this place. I realize I can't run away. The more I resist, the harder my day becomes and the less I feel connected to humanity. Every step along the way becomes a choice point. Thank goodness for the moments when I feel my shoulders drop down and a softening of my heart. It is then I am able to find peace, patience and renewed faith in my ability to be strong in my mind.

I plan to continue the blog. I need to stay plugged in to all of you. It is also an easy way to keep family, friends and clients up to date on my progress since I am emailing on a limited basis. I feel a bit self conscious following in Linda's footsteps. I adore her writing and aspire to be as equally capable down the road. She did a wonderful job. I am eternally grateful and appreciative of her.