Since Linda is en route to Maine today to spend Thanksgiving with her family and children, I offered to write this post. I still find writing challenging, mostly due to the pain medications I am on. I can't find the right words or stay focused long enough to fully express myself. That's hard for me. It felt wrong to not have a post before Thanksgiving. So, I will give it my best shot-
To my community of support, please know that every note, email, gift, prayer, thought and assistance continues to help me. I feel carried and held by many.
Since I've been home, I took my first shower alone and washed my hair with my right hand. Courtesy of the Elk's loaner program, I have a sturdy shower chair and bath bar to keep me steady and upright. My entire week of meals were provided again by dear friends. I have been able to prepare two breakfasts for myself. Otherwise, I still rely on Matt to heat my meals and do the dishes. At least he does not have to use his camping stove anymore! I am walking twice a day. Yesterday, I managed to stay out for 30 minutes. I loved feeling the warmth of the sun on my face, hearing and seeing so many birds head south and feeling the beat of my heart. I am sleeping soundly now compared to the two hours a night at the hospital. Putting myself down to sleep gets easier every day as long as I have my body pillow ready to support my left side and the blue ugly doll under my left armpit. Getting up continues to be challenging.
Mostly, I spend my days resting. It takes a long time to do any real kind of work as in pay bills. I am learning how to pace myself. I struggle with not being able to bend over or stand up very long. I broke down in tears this morning when I realized I had finished the roll of toilet paper and would not be able to replace it myself. I would have to call Matt who was already on his way to work. A few hours later, flowers from work arrived to lift my spirits.
Next week is a big week. I see four different doctors to find out how well I am healing and what to expect in terms of my recovery.
Every day, I acknowledge my gratitude for being alive so tomorrow will be no different except I will think of all of you and feel my gratitude for the multitudes of ways my heart has been touched and altered.
Beth, your "best shot" was terrific. Your post is wonderful and inspirational and tangible. Keep up the great work. Happy Thanksgiving, yes, every day.
ReplyDeleteBeth, so great to read your post. I feel your frustration around not being able to do the little things. One step, one breath, one day at a time. You are so much further along than when you were in the ICU with all those tubes attached and all the space/time/mind-altering drugs you were on; so much further along than when you were in rehab with someone in your room every 10 minutes; so much further along than yesterday or the day before. Gratitude! And Thanksgiving. Sending you a big hug in all the right places. xoxo Linda
ReplyDeleteBeth, you are amazing. I see your strength, and feel your frustration. When I was on crutches with my torn ACL, the daily tasks were such a challenge, and that was with only one damaged body part! It is amazing how you and your body learn to adapt and make things work. I had to laugh at your toilet paper story, as I remember having to unload the dishwasher while trying to balance on crutches, walk with the dishes and the crutches- plate by plate, glass by glass, it got done- the normal 5 min. job took 30 minutes, and I was exhausted! Each day you are improving in strength and healing, even if you feel you are having setbacks. At first your progress is by leaps and bounds, and then it becomes smaller steps, and then down to the most minute bits of progress... but they are there and you will soon be whole again. All my love, Carol
ReplyDelete