Off exploring in canyon country
This photo crystallizes what my spirit and body have been craving all week: running long distances, breathing hard, sweating and exploring unknown terrain. The warm weather of the week reminded me of what I used to be able to do. Don't get me wrong-walking and swimming continue to give me peace of mind; I just now seem to be missing adventure and being out in the wild.
Even though I know that within is unknown territory to explore; I seem to gravitate more towards the other because going in is still uncomfortable. Tomorrow, in the nick of time, I will get a dose of inner stillness as I assist from the sidelines (while sitting in my bean bag chair) my friend Janet as she teaches a class on starting a sitting practice. We've taught this class together before-I tell her I've signed up for life as her co-teacher because I want to have an inner life. I learn something well when I know I will be teaching it. It seems fitting that the 3 month mark falls on the same day as the sitting class.
For my own sanity, it's time to begin to quantify where I am at on the physical front to keep my process in perspective.
I can wash my face and shampoo my hair with both hands. I still struggle with putting my hair in a pony tail on top of my head.
I have been able to sleep 3 nights in a row without the cervical collar.
I only take aleve or vicadin a few times a week. I continue to test the limits of how long I can go without medication because I am better at managing my pain.
I can sleep thru the night more consistently and without night sweats or hot flashes!
I am more comfortable driving, but not sharp or responsive so I limit myself to once a week when I drive to Boulder.
I went grocery shopping on my own for the first time today.
I expanded my wardrobe from only button down shirts to pull overs.
I completed by myself 4th quarter payroll and end of the year corporate tax preparation. It took ALL day. The good news is my brain worked well.
I can swim 3 days a week and walk 4 days a week.
I cried a fair amount this week and it did not hurt my ribs.
On the outside, no one would ever know that I had broken any bones. On the inside, my bones, muscles, tissues and cells are still healing not to mention my spirit. I am struggling to find a way to relate to where I currently am in my recovery. I feel a lot of sadness. I guess you could say I am grieving my former self.
In a few days, Matt heads out to Illinois to celebrate his father's 75th birthday. He's the surprise element of the celebration. Already I feel uneasy over having him gone. It will be interesting to see what it feels like to be in our home without him. I've never experienced that since I was the one away on road trips. Life constantly hands out exactly what one needs to grow.
In closing, the high point of the week has been the continued support from clients and friends. I now have 10 hours of a personal chef's time to help me with food preparation. How awesome is that? I can't believe people still want to help me. It blows me away. I love the letters and emails of encouragement. One person said she had a dream about me. It's not the first one either. She said she saw me strong, graceful, smiling, content and at peace. I am glad others can shine the light when I can't seem to muster it myself.
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